Saiyan Mating Rituals 101
by AmberFox and Lyell
Summary: Bulma descovers a little piece of info that changes her view on Vegeta. But what's she gonna do about it? One-shot. Rated T for violence.


**Saiyan mating rituals 101 **

I don't own them so don't start with me. This is just a little one shot idea that popped into my head one day, hope you enjoy.

Bulma looked through her computer notes one last time as she poured over her past files, drinking a cup of coffee. A few weeks earlier she had realised she had feelings for Vegeta. The problem is, what is she going to do now?

She clicked the down button on her keypad in boredom, searching the files she had recovered form King Kold's crashed ship. Specifically the files concerning the Saiyan race. Finding something interesting, she grinned at the screen and scrolled down. Reading a few lines, she grabbed her palmtop and started downloading the file.

"I had hoped these wouldn't have to be used. _Ever_." Bulma said as she pulled out a small bottle of red beans. "Oh well…" She sighed as she opened the bottle and shook a bean out, "I'll have to face the side effects later on." and popped it into her mouth.

* * *

The GR hummed as Vegeta put the machine through its paces, going through attack after attack. Kicking and punching in rapid succession while doing an aerobatic display of dodging the ki beams generated by the computer. They were strong enough to sting a little, to let him know they had hit, but not strong enough to hurt the great Saiyan prince. Suddenly he felt a huge ki nearby. At first he thought the useless machine was going to blow up again, he wasn't even at 800 earths gravity for hells sake (!), but then he noticed the signature was coming from outside. And it was getting closer.

It wasn't Kakarrot, his ki was (though he loathed to admit it) higher, though not by much. This ki could rival his own. Vegeta landed and got into battle stance, ignoring the little ki beams that were now hitting him, as he had stopped dodging, facing the oncoming energy. Suddenly the doors were ripped off their hinges by a huge explosion, blowing them into the room. The gravity automatically shut itself off as the dust began to clear and he could see a waiting figure, dressed in Saiyan armour, in the large hole where the door, and most of the surrounding wall, had been.

"_Elpoe p Saiyan ehtfo Vegeta no ouji,_"The figure said in Saiyan-go. "_S sucsid ots senisub evahew._" (You could translate this yourself, if your clever. I'll give you a clue: _It's all backwards!_ Or: Sdrawk cablla s'ti! Stoidi! The number of words throughout the sentence is the same as the number of words normally, but sometimes the spaces are set randomly. So if it's two words: _Like this _then the words will come out _sih tekil_. See? Names and stuff are put the right way round just to make it all the more confusing. _Flesruoy sihtg niedoced yojne! _Aren't I a bitch?)

Vegeta stood before the figure, unable to see through the dust. "_Uo yera ohw?_" He hissed. The figure seemed to pull something from their belt and consider to it before clipping it back on. Vegeta growled, "_Emhtiw s senisub ruoy si tahw?_"as he powered up. The figure flew forward to attack. They both hit and punched each other, rising into the air as the dust settled to the ground around them. Vegeta saw a flash of blue where his opponents head was and, for the first time, he hesitated to hit it. The figure didn't though and punched him hard, forcing him to back up and shake his head. When his sight returned to the mystery warrior his stance dropped and he floated there in shock. '_Bulma!_'

The Onna stood before him, dressed in a perfect replica of a Saiyan elite solders armour, only this one had a small Capsule Corp. logo above her right breast. He had to admit: she looked _good_! "Who are you?" Vegeta repeated, only in English. "Remove that ridiculous disguise. Her face will not save you from me. If anything you have just made it harder for yourself. I will beat you until you scream for mercy, for using her face. Who are you working for? One of Frieza's old lackeys wanting revenge?" He watched her as her light blue tail lashed in amusement and she referred to something on her belt again.

"_Vegeta, emdna uoy ne ewteb si siht._"The woman finally said, putting it back and looking back up at him.

"_Nigeb s utel neht!_" Vegeta snarled as he came forward to strike. The woman blocked this with ease. They continued to fight, all the while Vegeta was sizing her up. Her eyes were just like Bulma's. Her hair, her scent, her voice, all Bulma's. Vegeta was a little unnerved. In all the alien species he had encountered with the ability to copy a person, none were capable of replicating so perfectly. The eyes and scent would always be different. Or the voice and a little thing, like an extra finger or a forked tongue or _something_. But never all at once. Her stance was weak, her punches strong but imperfect, her speed was the only thing that saved her. If she had had more experience, then he might be in trouble. All these signs showed she was an inexperienced fighter, just like the original Bulma.

Smirking to himself he found an opening and sent her flying into the ground below. Her cry created a knot in his gut but he ignored it, telling himself it really wasn't her. "Bastard!" She hissed as she looked up at him again. Her eyes watered but were determined, just like the real Bulma's would be.

"_Namow, em egnel lahc othsiw uoy od yhw!_" Vegeta cried as he flew towards her to end the fight with a finishing blow.

She dodged as his fist hit the floor, for a second they were barely inches apart when she pulled away. That was when Vegeta realised. '_This_ _is_ _Bulma_?' He paused to watch her fly a short distance away and resume her shaky stance. The prince scowled and growled to himself as he got up and prowled over. "_Namow emrews na._"

"_E tam ruoy ebot thgir ehtro f, Vegeta, uoy egnel lahci!_" She cries as she rushed forward. Vegeta stood there, stunned as her statement hit home. Just like her fist to his jaw and as he hit the opposite wall.

* * *

Bulma had read the information concerning the Saiyan dating rituals over and over. She realised that it was a bit like human dating. But where, on earth, a guy would buy a girl gifts and food as well as give her constant attention to convince her to agree to date him, and scare off any rivals, on Vegetasei it was also the females who decided who they considered, but they were much more aggressive. When they wanted a male, they went out and got him! If the male they had their eye on had paid his tributes of food and attention, in the form of eating together and arguments, then it was the woman's turn to assess if he was powerful and thus truly worthy of her time. A weakling mate was useless to a female on Vegetasei. On earth this would be when the woman would examine her relationship and decide if she wanted it or if she found it wanting.

What our blue eyed, bushy tailed, genius didn't realise was; what she was saying.

In truth, Bulma had no idea how to speak Saiyan-go. Her pronunciation and accent were all guess work, using Vegeta as a reference, and pure dumb luck.

The bean she had eaten was a special sensu bean, genetically engineered by herself, to make the one eating it stronger than they would be normally. By how much, she had no idea. That was why she only made a few and didn't test them anymore. When she had fed a bit to one of the lab mice, the poor thing destroyed its running wheel, broke out of its cage and ricocheting around the room for two hours before one of the lab assistants caught it and it ran out of steam. When she had read the poor mouse's vitals she had found them off the chart! The little things heart was barely able to keep up. If its endurance and muscle structure hadn't been enhanced, then its tiny heart would have exploded under the stress! If half a bean could do that to a mouse, then what the hell would it do to a normal person? Using a computer simulation it was predicted it would give the person almost super Saiyan speed, strength, and stamina. For how long, she didn't know. She did predict the side affects though, judging from the mouse and what the beans contained. But she wasn't a hundred percent sure she was correct. To fully find out she would have to give the bean to a human, but she had never thought it would give her pointy hair like Raditz and a tail! Now she looked just like a Saiyan! At first she had thought to give it to one of the Z warriors, but then again they weren't exactly normal humans, some weren't even human! While she did make the beans with them in mind, a guy hyped up with the amount of power her bean would give him wouldn't be such a good idea. No one would be powerful enough to stop them, unless she gave that person a bean as well, but then that would cause more trouble than it was worth. (And a great fic idea for anyone who fancies typing it. Feel free! Tell us first though, ne? Just so we can see it when you post it.) So the beans had been collected and put in a little jar in her desk, where she could keep an eye on them, and the project forgotten until some mega bad guy came round and they would be needed. But with Vegeta on the planet, who needs an evil alien bad guy? Especially as you already have Vegeta!

Now Bulma found herself landing as Vegeta slumped against the wall for a second. The files said that the woman would say some specific things then test her man's strength with a series of fights. It said she was suppose to fight with him until he or she were almost unconscious, then the next stage in the rituals would start and she'd have to say more things. While she knew she didn't have the fighting experience, she knew speed was on her side and it had paid off. Bulma picked him up by leg and arm and dragged him outside where she proceeded to swing him round and round, finally letting him go so he would soar through the air at an incredible speed.

"Oh, hey Vegeta!" Goku greeted as Vegeta whizzed by.

"Kaaaaaakaaaaaarroooooot!" Vegeta yelled as he passed.

"Hey, Goku!" Bulma smiled as she quickly followed Vegeta's unwanted flight path.

"Bulma?" Goku watched his two friends fly off in the other direction, towards the ocean.

Vegeta got a grip on himself as he started to descend over the ocean. Starting up his ki he managed to stop himself ploughing into the sand of Master Roshi's small island.

"Hey, Vegeta!" Krillin said as he sipped a drink from under a nearby tree.

"What's with the visit?" Master Roshi grinned as he exited his house.

"Do you think I would come to this dumb by choice!" Vegeta snarled, all thoughts and questions about the information Bulma had just given him put to the back of his head to think about later. Right now, he had a fight to think about and he didn't want any distractions. No matter how important. Then everyone felt Bulma's ki coming closer.

"What's that?" Krillin asked. Vegeta dodged as Bulma's fist suddenly came crashing down onto the sand, making the small crater Vegeta had made larger.

"_Ni evig tsuj._" Bulma said as Vegeta recovered and they both faced off. Vegeta rushed forward and she was just able to dodge his punches, batting some of them away and making him aggravated.

Krillin came forward to help Vegeta with a sideways attack to the unrecognisable Bulma. She flicked him away like he was an insect, trying her best not to hurt one of her friends too much, just enough so he would take it seriously enough to stay away. Vegeta swept a foot under her, making her fall over then summoned his ki to knock her out. Bulma dodged the shot and kicked Vegeta in the gut. He growled and backed up to recover. Bulma jumped up and resumed her stance, both panted as Goku landed. "Guys?" He asked as Vegeta's growl got louder.

"Stay out of this Kakarrot." Vegeta said as he watched Bulma smirk at him.

The next part in the file stated clearly what she was suppose to do next, fly off and see if he was fast enough to catch her and continue their battle. While she did enjoy Vegeta's frustrated face as he blocked almost all of her moves, this was the bit that would be really fun. Powering up Bulma rose into the air, "_Gnilkaew._" she snorted at Vegeta before swiftly flying off further out to sea.

Vegeta's growl rose another notch as he took off after her.

"What's happening?" Master Roshi asked Goku.

"I have no idea." Goku said as he scratched the back of his head. "I just hope Vegeta doesn't hurt Bulma too much…"

"Wait! What! That's Bulma!" Krillin was suddenly beside his best friend. "What happened? We have to do something! Vegeta could really hurt her! He could kill her!"

"Dunno. I don't think he'd do that." Goku said with his usual goofy grin. "It looks like she can hold her own. Bulma's ki is really high."

"But she doesn't have any training." The old hermit pointed out.

"Where's Oolong?" Krillin suddenly realised.

"When he heard the fighting he hid under the table." Master Roshi said as the pig in question's head popped around the houses door.

"Is it over?" Oolong asked.

* * *

Bulma pulled into a spiral, Vegeta closely behind her. She couldn't help but laugh as her adrenalin rushed. This was the first time she could fly freely. When she was first flying after Vegeta she wasn't really thinking, just that she had to follow him and continue to try and punch him again, but now was really the first time she could enjoy the view. Vegeta's hand scraped her boot and she decided to go into a free fall, still spiralling. Vegeta humphed as he continued to follow her, somehow she managed to be faster than him. Another thing someone had beaten him at. When he caught that woman…

When she finally landed, on a small deserted beach, Vegeta landed a few yards away. "_Namow, Saiyan nrael uoy did erehw?_" He asked with a glare.

Bulma only growled. She still had no idea how she was to knock him out. She would have to do it soon, the sun was about to set and she wanted to get this over with so she could go to work in the morning. She did have a back up plan, but how to execute it… Thinking fast she did the first thing to pop into her head.

She sat down on the sand, crossed her arms across her chest, closed her eyes and pouted. Vegeta was surprised and unconsciously slid back into his normal stance as he cautiously approached her. When it looked like she wasn't going to do anything, he knelt down and tried to get her attention. "Onna? Onna!" Bulma turned her face from him and continued to pout. Vegeta growled as he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. When her eyes lazily fluttered open, Vegeta then realised how close they were. Here he was, a proud Saiyan prince who's life had been created out of the blood and fires of battle, looking into two of the bluest orbs he had ever seen, bluer than any ocean or sky on any of the countless worlds he had visited and destroyed, belonging to a gorgeous, if not annoying, woman who was covered in sweat and wearing the sexiest, to a warrior, of outfits and breathing so hard her breast rose and fell as she breathed.

'She really is a weakling.' Vegeta thought to himself. 'But I'm impressed she was able to last this long against _me_.'

'Nighty night, Veggie head.' Bulma smirked to herself as she lent forward a bit and kissed the warrior. Vegeta went a bit rigid with surprise, but then he growled and pulled her closer to deepen the kiss.

Suddenly he began to choke and pulled back to clutch his throat, then he lay still on his back on the sand.

Bulma grinned as she stood up and dragged Vegeta up the beach by his feet.

* * *

When Vegeta woke up he found himself buried up to his neck in sand. He tried to move his arms and legs but they seemed to be stuck down fast by something. "I cemented your feet and arms down." Bulma said as she stepped out onto the beach, no longer wearing her full Saiyan armour only black tight under armour, carrying a load of fire wood to put by the blaze he hadn't noticed nearby.

"Woman! What are you trying to do!" Vegeta asked angrily.

Bulma only flicked her hair back and lay in front of him, letting the firelight dance over her curves, "I already told you." she smirked.

Grrrr "What did you do to me?" The prince demanded.

Bulma rolled over so they could both be at the same level, unwillingly giving Vegeta a nice view of the firelight playing over her butt and waving tail. "I don't like repeating myself, Vegeta. I already told you, I've cemented you into to the ground. As you can tell, I also buried you in the sand, which was fun."

"No." Vegeta ground out, not liking to spell it out. "How did you get the better of me?"

"Simple." Bulma shrugged. "I knew I couldn't beat you by force, so I slipped you a little sleeping pill. Of course I had to up the dosage a bit as you're a Saiyan."

Vegeta smirked. "You and I both know I can get out of whatever you've set me into. I am the great Saiyan prince," By this time Bulma was twiddling her pinkie in her ear and looking bored as she mimed his speech with her other hand. "and cannot be bested by a mere earth woman."

"At the moment, Veggie-chan, I am the closest thing to a Saiyan female in the universe." Bulma pointed out as she let her tail come round and stroke his face.

"Bah!" Vegeta moved his head away from the offending tail.

Bulma looked over the words her palmtop said she had to say, once more to help her remember before she sighed and said. "_Derehtob I yhw wonk t'nod I._" Vegeta suddenly looked attentive, surprised by her change in attitude. "_Gnil kaewa ylurt. htrae eht fo tuo teg neve t'nac uoy! Uoy tak ool. E tam arof gnil kaew a hcus tnaw dluow ohw, naemi? Wonk reven ll' I, ssalc driht eht tsap tog uoywoh. _" Bulma turned away from him so he couldn't see the small smile on her face at Vegeta's outraged expression. "_Rehtaf rieht ekil tust, kaew. Ecar Saiyan eht fo tlusni eht eb ot worg dluow starb ruo! _" By now Vegeta was vibrating with rage. "_Uoy rof stnuhl lits rehtom dega ruoy! Flesmih rof tnuh tonnac ohwerob, s selriah, s selliat, kaewa tub gnihton ruoy!_"Vegeta was melting the sand around him into glass. "_Yawyna noitammusnoc gnirud odot tahw dluow uoy tbuodi. Meht esahc namow lufrewop ahcus evah ot hsiw dna tis ot epyt eht era uoy ekil sgnil kaew!_"

"Bitch!" Vegeta roared as he blasted out of the sand/glass.

"_Ho?_"Bulma said coyly, "_Vegeta no ouji, em wohs uoy t'nod yhw, ti tsniaga os ruoy fi._" she continued as she suddenly tried to fly away. Vegeta was having none of that and quickly tackled her to the ground then turned her over and pinned her to the sand.

"Your pitiful attempts to rile me are starting to work, onna." Vegeta growled to her as she blinked grains of sand from her eyes, catching his gaze. Bulma growled back savagely causing Vegeta to chuckle, "Don't do that, woman. It's so pathetic, it's cute." before crushing her lips with his. Bulma moaned as she struggled to get into a more comfortable position. "You realise you've just initiated the Saiyan courting ritual?"

"_Lla retfa ym fo yhtrow era uoy smees ti._" Bulma casually said the final words as an answer as she wrapped her tail around his waist. Vegeta only smirked wider as he trailed hisses up her neck to kiss her lips again.

THE END!

I know, I know… "_It's so hard to translate!_"Bla bla bla! Tell you what. Because I'm in a nice mood, I've written the translations down here. How's that? I think I'm too nice to you guys!

Intro of Bulma's new look  
B: "Vegeta no ouji of the Saiyan people,"  
B: "We have business to discuss."  
V: "Who are you?"  
V: "What is your business with me?"  
B: "This is between you and me, Vegeta."  
V: "Then let us begin!"  
V: "Why do you wish to challenge me, woman!"  
V: "Answer me, woman!"  
B: "I challenge you, Vegeta, for the right to be your mate!"

At Master Roshi's place  
V: "Just give in."  
B: "Weakling."

Before the sleeping pill  
V: "Where did you learn Saiyan, woman?"

After the sleeping pill  
B: "I don't know why I bothered."  
B: "How you got past the third class, I'll never know.I mean, who would want such a weakling for a mate? Look at you. You can't even get out of the earth! Truly a weakling."  
B: "Our brats would grow to be the insult of the Saiyan race! Weak, just like their father."  
B: "Your nothing but a weak, tailless, hairless, bore who cannot hunt for himself! Your aged mother still hunts for you!"  
B: "Weaklings like you are the type to sit and wish to have such a powerful woman chase them! I doubt you would know what to do during consummation anyway."  
B: "Oh? If your so against it, why don't you show me, Vegeta no ouji"  
B: "It seems you are worthy of my time after all."

I'm so nice, Its amazing! Also one last thing. "_What are the side effects?_" You cry. Well, mainly dizziness, a massive headache (From all the air in the blood pumped to her head and around her body.), exhaustion, large weight loss, a huge appetite (From burning all that energy. She has to get it back somehow.), back pain (From the growth of her tail, which is now permanent. She wanted to get it surgically removed, but Vegeta wouldn't let her. But she did get her hair cut! Vegeta said she looked a little too much like Raditz!), a hormone imbalance (Too much testosterone.), muscle ache (From too much exercise to fast.) and, strangely, a craving for triple chocolate ice cream with ketchup on top (Strange as it had nothing to do with growing stronger at all!). They lasted for about a month which was spent with Bulma in bed, unable to do anything. After a month, Vegeta insisted she stay in bed… with him… yeah.


End file.
